5 Ways to Stay Online While Lowering Anxiety

How do we take advantage of the love, wonder and belonging available on the internet without being crippled by the anxiety inducing whiplash of an algorithm that wants to show you Pumpkin Spice Latte memes followed by images of war?

I’m writing a book and connect to readers online. The internet has been a lifeline for me as an author, helping me connect to a community of people who care about the same things I do and who are helping my book make its way into the world. And as an everyday person, I also love connecting on socials to things I care about. Last week I scrolled through Instagram looking at everything my feed displayed for me — a mix of queer books, queer music, home-cooking, Armenian creators and artists.

And so, this is how I had an experience that I am sure you’ll empathize with.

I started my scroll with announcements of baked salad season, then onto a favorite queer maker’s rant on his favorite nail gel strips. Then, and rightly so, came the reports of the atrocities happening in Artsakh, the southeastern part of Armenia where thousands and thousands have had to flee. And in the middle of those posts about people dying and leaving home, Instagram also delivered to me many, many, comedic memes.

And I say this knowing that it feels disrespectful, because, honestly it is. In the middle of the news I was taking in on Artsakh, my feed delivered a meme of a Subaru Outback with a custom license plate with the characters - “SOOBUWU”.

Immediately after laughing, I thought, this just feels bad. It’s too much of an experience, the horror, the humor, the inspiration, the devastation. I’m laughing, then on the verge of tears, then inspired, then devastated, then excited, then hopeless and all while I’m waiting on the kettle to boil for a pour over coffee.

I long to connect to my community online. In fact, most of you I don’t live anywhere near, which means the internet is where we hang out together. We’re connecting on the internet right now!

So, I’ve come up with some strategies for how to stay online but avoid the whiplash that comes with an algorithm that can sometimes make your heart feel like a punching bag:

1. Limit your time online - (Don’t stop here.) I know everyone says this. But it’s actually true. This will help you. We crave love, wonder and belonging and the seeds of those things are all over the internet. But those seeds have no time to take root because in 15 seconds you’re on to another post. You have to get offline to let those seeds root. (I took all of 2021 off of socials. Cold turkey. It felt like LUXURY.)

2. Check in with yourself before you scroll. - It’s simple. Before you open your favorite social app (or just after, since social apps are designed to be so addictive you open them without thinking), ask yourself how you feel today. Can you run the gauntlet of content? It feels weird to check in with you mind, heart and body before doing something considered so trivial like scrolling. That’s a trick. It’s not weird. It’s essential. Are you in a good place? No? Try a book or a walk instead. You’re in a good place? Dive in, then. Somewhere in the middle? Try one of the next tricks on this list.

3. Let your scroll be the beginning, not the end. - Let’s say that on your scroll you saw some amazing recipes or clips from inspiring talks or an video of a swimmer free diving into a underwater cave in a place you’d never heard of before. Set aside some time to do something with those seeds of inspiration. Plan some time to cook the recipe. Call the representative about supporting Armenians forced to flee Arstakh. Literally put it on your calendar. Put a card in the mail to a friend after some post reminded you of them. Journal about the underwater cave.
   Journal about all of it. That’s one of my favorite strategies for letting the seeds of love, wonder and belonging take root.
   If all that inspiration only lives on your phone, it never becomes part of your life.

4. Try this trick for scrolling with intention - I find this especially helpful when I want to feel connected or inspired or in awe of the world BUT I’m a bit frayed emotionally. Stop your scroll. Think of some creator or a person you follow who always makes you feel good. GO DIRECTLY TO THEIR PAGE. Do not stop on other content. Do not flick your feed. Go straight to creator of posts that make you feel good, then just scroll their page. Take in all the good stuff.
   Or maybe you need social media to give you updates on a current event. Who do you trust for information about this event? Go directly to their page.

5. Use “Saved” Posts to scroll. Most social apps have a way to save posts to return to later. Go straight to those posts and dive right into a page you love without letting your feed throw random posts at you.
   This can be especially helpful if you have your Saved Posts in categories. On Instagram I save posts to folders like Cooking, Clothes, Parenting, Crafting, Home, etc. So when I don’t have the emotional power to run the algorithm gauntlet, I go straight to my saved posts. If it would feel good to look at cooking content, I go straight to those saved posts. I might even tap into a creator’s page to see new content. But I don’t let the algorithm deliver posts to me via a feed. I skip the feed and use saved posts to get the good vibes I’m looking for.

6. Do not ignore your anxiety. That uneasy feeling you get after too much scrolling, it’s real. It’s universal. It happens to everyone. That’s your body telling you to put the phone down. DO THAT. Then go outside and touch grass.

And finally, and most importantly, remember that COMMUNITY IS MEDICINE. Your feelings are overwhelming largely in part because you feel alone in them. Call someone. Go on a walk. Dance in the living room with your family. Cook with your love. That anxiety you feel after a bad scroll can absolutely be helped by a calm and grounding conversation with someone you care about.

I hope this helps. Do you have strategies for staying connected online without losing your mind? Please, for real, leave them in the comments!

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PS. In this post I mentioned the atrocities happening to Armenians indigenous to Artsakh. You can help. Please follow this link for resources in a Call to Action from the International Armenian Literary Alliance.